Genderqueer & Unconventional Wedding

So this is slightly off-theme of what I normally blog about here (my mental health, sexuality, etc), but it is coming up a lot right now. I’m engaged and it seems like there is not a lot of information out there for Genderqueer Weddings. I’m non-binary, I use they/them pronouns, and to a lot of people I’d just be the bride, and will likely participate in bride-related traditions.

The title I’ve come up for myself is “Broom”. Luckily the theme for my wedding is PUNS, so this works out nicely.

broom

(a badly drawn picture of a comb and a broom because a comb is for “groom”ing, they are both brushes, I’m over-explaining the pun)

So there won’t be any actual brooms at my wedding, but I can’t really think of a better title, Gride doesn’t really get me.

As for “Dresses”, there seem to be lots of white bridal pantsuit options and the emerging style of wedding separates means you can get a fancy skirt and pair it with something non-conventional. I have a scheme for my wedding outfit which I won’t reveal here, but I encourage other enby, non-binary, genderqueer folx to get creative with what works for them.

Another unconventional aspect of our wedding is that we are openly polyamorous and choose to include that statement/fact in our engagement photos.

blog-poly

So between being non-binary trans and polyamorous, I’ve got iffy support on the side of my family, which is difficult and a bit heartbreaking. There is a lack of enthusiasm (which I can more than make up for on my own, but still it’s not the same) and a certain level of discomfort and skepticism (My parents had personally hoped for virgin marriages for their children). I want to plan my life such that when I build my family if there are any other important figures in my life they are able to included, especially if kids become a part of the equation at some point. I’m trying to do the work now so that in the future, it is as easy as possible to be openly “open” and raise potential children honestly/authentically.

What I have learned instead is that there is no undo button on coming out of the closet. It is very hard to deal with the discomfort of my family, even as they show their love in other ways, it isn’t unconditional acceptance one might hope for.

I first came out as polyamorous when I was mentally unwell, as I couldn’t stand there being secrets in my life and my filter was especially low at that time. Even now, as I openly explore a temporary conscious stage of monogamy in my life for personal healing, I realize I can’t restore the old perceptions of me and regain the excitement of my youth, when we used to daydream about weddings as a family. It has instead become a topic that is seen as uncomfortable or even shameful.

My wedding date is a while off, given that my partner was shocked at my proposal and was most comfortable with an extended timeline. Since we are punsters who laugh at everything, we thought 4/20, 2020 was an amusing date.

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