I have had to overcome fear of my creativity. At one point I was with someone who strangled and tortured me hoping to know more of my creative insights. It was not an attempted murder but it felt like I survived murder as it instilled in me fear that this person had the power to take my life. I stopped writing, or rather, stopped any meaningful progress on my novel (I am fighting to overcome this).
My novel had brought me meaning and clarity after surviving a psychosis. My creativity was a calling and a mechanism inside me which brought me meaning. It was a tool I used to make sense of the world.
I got into an argument over the use of the word dystopia versus utopia. It was harmful, this person poised, for me to use and daydream of dystopia because through the powers of manifestation I could create such a thing and harm the earth.
Yes, I do believe dreams are that powerful and so the conversation irked me. I think what irked me now, is that dreaming and potentially writing a dystopia is a way of making sense of the world the way it is now. It is an approach to problem solving. If we dream only of utopia that doesn’t mean that only utopia exists, it means we are ignoring the very real dystopia around us and the problems that need solving. I believe we need both, all parts of dreams, to see the future as we wish and the solutions in between. I believe poising daydreams as dangerous/harmful to be a slippery slope akin to criminalizing thought.
I think I was most disturbed because it infringed on my creativity, a facet of myself I have almost died for and almost lost. Our daydreams are adaptive and creation is nothing to be feared; but it should be understood and used with care. I know my dystopia day dreams put words to otherwise unspeakable problems and allow me to write in a way that illuminates and solves problems. Speaking of evil as if it is only our fault is a dangerous game of victim blaming and evades our ability to find solutions.