Right to Revoke Control

The right to take back control is implied and always present. We fight for control in our lives all the time. Sometimes we do this through self-mastery, sometimes we do it by trying to control others, sometimes we gain control by giving it away….. wait, what?

I have had control taken from me violently, forcibly institutionalized and being held against my will was violent. I was committed once. It is a sort of powerlessness that is hard to explain, and what I experienced only a fraction of what others are sometimes subjected to. I am however, mentally ill, and at times, out of control. So how do I reclaim a loss of control, I find control, I play with control, I give it away on my terms, I discover what it means, what it entails. Control invokes responsibility. The controller is responsible but also the controlled. I am responsible for what I do while under control, I choose to engage with it (or not).

For me it is adaptive to express my interests and will to another and hand off control to them, this is an adaptation as a person with a mental illness, being in this safe of an environment with someone enables me to explore the darker corners of my mind without the fear of losing control, it gives me a grounding point from which to navigate myself. It allows me to trust in their guidance and feedback if I need to. I will not struggle against the institution if I have a partner with me on the journey guiding me. I do not give away that power lightly, I give it to someone who has earned that trust and respected my autonomy every moment up until this point and who respects my autonomy in offering it to him.

I recommend Sacred Power, Holy Surrender as it has influenced me in this direction.


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